No Love Lost
by Rowan Stormseeker
Summary: When Celestia dumps a human, he writes down his memories in his journal about how it all came to be and how Celestia comes back to him. Human in Equstria
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, I had this idea and decided to try it out, tell me what you think.**

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><p><strong>Sol's journal entry #1<strong>

I feel hollow inside. I just don't have a purpose any more, I haven't since she left me.

I should explain, my name is Solar Strike, but now I just go by Sol. I am the only human in Equestria and have been for the past five years. I guess you could call me good looking, but I don't really understand why you would. I have light gold eyes and dark curly hair. I'm fairly tan with an okay build. But none of that matters.

I have chosen to write down my memories of when I was with her, and after.

I came to Equestria with no recollection on how I got here or of my former life. I just appeared in the middle of the street, which everypony responded to by firing multiple stunning spells at me. I got up to their dismay and beat the shit out of all of them. Looking back now I can see that violence was pointless. Hindsight's a bitch like that. However my little tantrum attracted the attention of… her. I'm sorry if I happen to confuse you, I am of course referring to Princess Celestia. I stayed at the castle for two years with the Princesses. I initiated prank wars and helped with paper work, I befriended Princess Luna and was at Twilight Sparkle's coronation and became good friend with her, along with the rest of the elements of harmony. Sometimes I go and visit, but not much of late. I thought everything was perfect, though I had a temper that was unmatched. I had trouble controlling myself when I was angry.

It was two years after I had first came to this place when I began a relationship with Celestia. We had just run into her room after pranking lulu so hard she was chasing us though the castle, yelling about revenge. As we sat next to the door, panting from all the running, she leaned over and kissed me. At first I had back away, but after I saw the hurt in her eyes I kissed her back, I had always had feelings for Celestia, but I never thought she would want me back. For one odd year we dated, those where easily the best years of my life.

**Flashback**

Celestia was laughing, "Best prank ever" she sputtered with laughter.

"I don't think she'll ever get that dye out of her hair" I said, snorting.

Celestia and I were hiding with our backs up against the door as Luna ran around stomping. Celestia looked over at me and did the unexpected, leaned over and kissed me, I moved back instinctively, before I saw that she was beginning to cry. "Oh I'm so sorry" she said "I didn't think that through, please forgive me"

I shushed her with a passionate kiss. I felt her mouth curve under my mouth as she started to explore my mouth with her tongue. It was my first kiss but I figured it out fairly quick. As we broke away Celestia and I both couldn't stop smiling, for the rest of the night.

We started going out, much to the disgust of the nobles, well most of them. Princesses Twilight, Luna, and Cadence were absolutely thrilled about our new relationship. After a about six or so months, Celestia and I admitted our love for each other and her cutie mark appeared on my left peck.

**End of flashback**

Celestia and I loved each other very much. I remember the smug noble that came in the throne room six months after Celestia's cutie mark had shown up on me and announced that one of the old laws had been reflected upon and that the law stated that royalty was unable was unable to be in a relationship with a commoner. When I heard this new I beat the hell out of his smug ass.

But that didn't change the law. My aggression just made the nobles angrier. It didn't change anything. That night Celestia laid in my embrace as we talked about what to do. But there was nothing to be done. We kissed and went to bed. The next day I was awoken to being grabbed and dragged out of my bed into the throne room. that was where I got my heart broken.

Celestia was on her throne glaring at me. I asked her what was going on and i can still feel the hurt that I felt after she answered

**Flashback**

I was freaking out when I saw Celestia glare at me. "What the hell is going on here" I said indignantly.

Celestia just glared at me and said "I'm afraid I've been lying, _dearest _I never loved you, the abomination that ruined my reputation and tried to steal my heart with pointless charm".

By now I had tears running down my face, "you are banished, never let me see your worthless face again, or I will personally kill you" Celestia spit out.

I scrambled back to the door before looking back then running away.

**End of Flashback**

I had ran all the way to the train station and boarded, I was set to Ponyville. I never got there, at least not in the train. Princess Luna flew on to the train and tried to convince me to go back. I was terrified, thinking that she was just there to drag me into the dungeons, I can still recall the pure fear that gripped my chest and made my blood run cold. However, she was only there to beg me to go to Celestia. "She hasn't stopped crying since you left" Luna said.

**Flashback**

I was on the train, headed to Ponyville. In just a thirty short minutes I would be there. I have no idea where to go, Celestia would have informed everypony there about my banishment. I suddenly felt the train shake. I slide under the seat so I was a little hidden. Hoof steps where fast approaching where I was huddled.

I was gripped by magic and sat on the seat, I quickly moved to the floor and pushed up against the wall. I opened my eyes to see Princess Luna looking at me with emotions flickering in the depths of her eyes. It may have been sadness, anger, or stubbornness, maybe all three rolled into one. "please come back so tia can explain" she said imploringly.

"n-no, stay away from me, you'll just kill me, or take me to her so she can kill me" I said, starting to cry, "She never loved me, not for one moment".

"Of course she did, just come back and let her explain" Luna said again.

"No, please no, if she hates me then I won't make her look at me ever again" I muttered.

Luna's magic started to cover me, "let's go back, Celestia will explain everything" she said, "she hasn't stopped crying since you left you know"

"Oh god no" I whispered. Luna paused, she apparently heard me.

When she paused I thought fast, I took a bit out of the bag that was tied to my belt and threw it past her, as she saw the metal piece flash by her concentration snapped and I fell the floor as her magic went with it. I ran out of the door separating train cars and into the next car, which was where I jumped out of an open window and into the forest.

**End of Flashback**

I didn't care, I thought I was just a trick to so that I was lured into her grasp. I remember jumping off the train and running into the woods. I remained there for weeks, living off the land as one might say. I barely survived. I was attacked once while building what was to be my home by timber wolves. They bit into my arm and tore off my shirt. But for some reason, when they saw Celestia's cutie mark on my chest they ran away whimpering.

Princess Luna spoke to me in my dreams often, asking me why I ran away, before long she stopped asking and just communicated with me every week, once a night. Over the months I built a small log cabin and a garden next to a small hill and stream. I made a hammock from some vines I wove together.

After a year a zebra showed up and asked if I had seen any of a special plant called phanst. I had actually been growing it in my ever increasing garden after I had seen some animals eat it. It had tasted okay so I started to cultivate it. The zebra introduced herself as Zecora and then showed me a picture of the plant. I went and picked all of it as I could spare and gave it to her before shutting myself in side.

Now Zecora come around and picks up some of the herbs that she doesn't have the time or space to grow. She pays me always but still hasn't been able to get me to talk yet. I almost never venture into Ponyville unless it is for tools or to give Twilight Sparkle some potion supplies for somepony she called Apple Bloom.

Twilight has sworn to never tell Celestia of where I am, unless she asks. But not even Twilight Sparkle has been able to make me speak since what happened on the train. Nopony has.

**End of Sol's Journal Entry**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sol's journal entry #2**

Twilight Sparkle sent me a letter a week ago about Celestia wanting to know any information about me. Before I go into that, I should explain how letters are sent to me. After I built my house and started to give Zecora some of the herbs I grew, she said that she would have Twilight's letters sent to her house and she would bring them to me every few days.

I digress, the letter entailed all she had told Celestia, and what Celestia's response had been. She also sent me a letter that Celestia asked Twilight to send to me. Twilight's letter had been this

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_Regarding your last letter to me, yes, I do know how you can contact Solar Strike. But you should know that he asked me to never tell you about him, and by the way he said it, it was almost as if he was afraid of you. I saw him once, and he wouldn't speak to anypony, instead choosing to walk in silence into the everfree forest. Now the only contact I have with him is through Zecora passing our letters back and forth. I have no information on where he now resides except that he lives in the forest he made his way into all those months ago._

_Your fellow Princess, Twilight Sparkle._

Celestia's response letter is this

_Dear Twilight Sparkle,_

_I thank you on the information that you have given me. I ask of you to give Zecora a letter that I will send later on to give to Solar. _

_Your fellow Princess, Celestia._

The final letter was from Celestia herself

_Dear Solar Strike_

_I understand that you may hate me, but I beg of you to come back. Your banishment has been dismissed, as well as most of the nobles. The law that they presented that proclaimed that I was unable to be with you was a fake, made by them to separate us. And I appears that it worked. I beg of you once more to return, or at least make a way that I may visit you._

_Your love, Celestia._

I don't know what to think of the last letter, but I think that I may visit Celestia one last time before, well I don't know. I may move to the griffin kingdom, or some other place as to escape Celestia's grasp. But even I have felt a tug on my soul when I read that she wanted to see me. But Celestia was wrong about one thing, at the bottom of her letter, she had wrote _your love. _I don't think I can find it within me to ever live near her, or admit my love for her, ever again. She crushed me so badly that I doubt I can ever forgive her.

I have already packed for Canterlot. The burning in my soul to see her one last time is overwhelming. I plan to leave for Ponyville in the morning. It is a six hour hike to get there because I live in the middle of nowhere. From Ponyville I will get a train ticket and ride to Canterlot, I plan to stay in the castle for one day before coming back here and packing my things for where ever the road takes me.

**End of Sol's Journal entry #2**

**Sol's Journal entry #3**

Today was excruciating. I arrived in Canterlot as expected and made my way to the castle where I was arrested by the guards and put into the dungeon. When Celestia was informed, well…

**Flashback**

I got off the train and frowned at all the looks of lust that the many mares were giving me. I walked through the familiar streets until I reached the castle gate, as I walked inside I was flanked by two guards. "Halt in the name of the princess" one commanded.

I put my hands up and got on my knees. They looked at each other before one of them poked me in the back with their spear, "drop the bag and walk with us to the dungeon, you will remain there until the Princess can come and question you" one said in a monotone.

I nodded and slid my bag off and walked with one to a cell. I was left in there for a total of fifteen minutes until I heard hoof steps running down the stairs. I had been sitting on the bed looking down, but I looked up to see Celestia looking at me in disbelief. "You came back" she said, "I never thought you would, guards, release this man".

**End of Flashback**

Celestia brought me back to her room after I had been released by the princess. I had a full beard but that was gone pretty fast when Celestia dragged me into the bathroom and used a spell that made it all fall off. She looked at me with sad eyes before trying to hug me. Her sad eyes just made it harder to duck away before she could trap me in her embrace. She looked so hurt when I did that.

**Flashback**

Celestia dragged me out of the dungeon and into her room and then into the bathroom. Half a year ago I would have reacted violently, but now I just complied. "Let's get rid of that beard" Celestia said in an amused tone before her horn lit up and my beard fell off.

"Much better" she said, "Solar, I-I've missed you".

Celestia leaned towards me but I moved back so she couldn't hug me like she had intended. "Why" she asked, "I know that I hurt you but why can't you forgive me".

I turned and walked back out the door and down the hall into the room that used to be mine. She knew why.

**End of Flashback**

That night, after I had retrieved my bags, I was in my old room when Celestia came in. I was on my bed staring at the ceiling with my hands behind my head. Celestia came in and tried to get me to talk but I still wouldn't. That is until she said I was being unreasonable about me not forgiving her.

**Flashback**

I heard Celestia enter my room and I turned to face her. "Please Solar, tell me why you won't forgive me" She begged.

I looked back at the ceiling, "just say something" she begged.

When I shook my head she glared at me before saying, "you're being unreasonable, why can't you just forgive me".

I got off the bed and looked at her, "because you crushed my heart, told me I was worthless, and threatened to kill me if you ever saw me again. And I can't ever forget you because I have this" I said angrily showing her the tattoo on my chest, "I don't know why I even came back here".

When I tried to walk away I found that the doors where being blocked by something. I yanked them open, dragging two guard in the room. When I tried to walk away I felt a spell hit me in-between my shoulder blades. I spun around and yelled, "What did you just do" at Celestia.

"that spell will cause you more pain the farther get away from me, so you better stay close" she said, "I love you too much to let you leave".

"So you take away all my choice in the matter, you are truly a bitch" I snarled as I grabbed my bag and sprinted out of the castle.

I boarded a train when I felt a deep pain in my chest. I figured it was the spell affecting me. Suddenly the train stopped and several guards come in and saw me. "Stop and surrender" they commanded right before I decked them both.

"Like hell I will" I said as I jumped off the train and started running towards Ponyville.

The pain started increasing and before long I could barely crawl. After a minute of crawling I heard Celestia's voice in my head, "_Solar, stop. Any farther and the pain will be too much for your body_".

"Go. To. Hell." I spat, forcing myself to my feet, "I will never come back to you, and if I die than so be it".

I stumbled a few more feet before I saw the edges of my vision getter darker and darker, until I hit the ground and passed out.

**End of Flashback**

The pain was indescribable, just moving an inch amplified if. Imagine having molten lead poured into your veins and then you get thrown into a blender filled with razor blades and lemon juice. So it hurt a lot. It was so bad that my body shut down because of it.

When I had managed to regain consciousness I found myself in Celestia's bed, with the princess curled up next to me. The first think I did was jump out of bed before I noticed that I was in my underwear.

**Flashback**

I felt something slowly moving in circles along my back. I was in probably the most comfortable bed I had been in since… shit. I opened my eyes to see Celestia moving her wing along my back. I jumped out of the bed and found out that I was half naked.

"Going somewhere" Celestia said, "Or are you just giving me a view".

"Give me back me cloths and let me go" I demanded.

"Your cloths are over in the corner" she said in a complying tone, "have fun".

I narrowed my eyes and glared at her before starting to walk over to my now clean and folded cloths. I put them on before walking out the door. I got a total of ten meters before I felt the tugging sensation that slowly turned into pain as I got farther away. Not again. The pain intensified until Celestia walked out into the hall and use her magic to bring me back to her bed.

The pain lasted until Celestia grabbed me in a brutal hug. "Don't you go anywhere now, I used a stronger version of the spell so that you need to be closer to me"

I broke her hold on me, "take the spell off of me" I said with a glare.

She grinned at me, chilling me to the bone, "the only way to remove this particular spell is to engage in sexually activities with the one who cast it".

**End of Flashback**

I was livid at Celestia, there is no way to describe it other than that. I had been at ease but she, in the moment, chose to burn away all of my free will. I plan to break this spell and move as far away as necessary. It's obvious now that coming back was a major mistake. I'm still a virgin, and I love her, but the fact that she is forcing me into this makes me quiver with anger that feels like a primitive animal is inside of me and is dragging itself up. I can barely move away without excruciating pain gripping me with an intensity that makes everything else melt away. Even now she attempts to intrude upon my privacy by reading some of my most personal thoughts. I turned away to move my bag and when I moved back she was beginning to read my journal. As I write I can see her looking at me and attempting to read what I write. Her words of comfort are meaningless because I know that she will break the little trust I have for her in an instant. I will give her the benefit of the doubt for the time being, but as I have stated, that trust is frail enough that anything will shatter it. I need to find a way to break the spell, Celestia was always good at manipulating, and I have no doubt that leaving will only get harder as time goes on.

**End of Sol's Journal entry #3**

**Sol's Journal entry #4**

I have chosen to do as I did when I was first cast out of this castle that has now become my prison, I have refused to speak or do anything that doesn't help me survive. Most of the time I just sit in a curled I just sit in a curled up position and try to think my way out of this mess. Speaking of mess, Luna was been on a rampage since she learned of Celestia's imprisonment of me. The only reason she found out about all of this is because I have had some pretty messed up nightmares because of this. Luna has been searching for a way to break the spell so she can free me, but I know that it's hopeless. The gentle mare that was once kind is gone, now she is replaced by the Celestia that as held me against my will. Last night she attempted to force me to sleep with her. Which I responded to by pushing her out of the bed and making a run for the hallway. I had just gotten out of the room when her magic covered me.

**Flashback**

I woke up from my sleep by the feeling of being pulled onto the bed, I had been sleeping on the floor as to keep some distance from her. Celestia brought me close and gripped me in a hug before pleading softly, "lay with me, please".

The only response from me that she got was me rolling back on the floor and trying to fall back asleep. "I see your going to be difficult" she said before using her magic to bring me into her hooves.

The feeling of her hooves and wings around me was… addictive and intoxicating, but she had no right to hold me like I was still her lover, or friend. She had long since burned that bridge, and I wouldn't let her build it back until I was ready. I pushed her away, and when she fell off the bed I ran for the exit. I heard her hoof stop in frustration before I was lifted up. "Why won't you love me" she begged.

I glared at her until she sighed and brought me close. "Just one kiss, and I will release the spell on you" she promised.

Maybe she has changed, Id… I think that I might stay here if she does grant me my freedom. I still love her, and she obviously loves me back, and now that I know that I can trust her, I have no reason to go.

I hesitated when her magic let me down, and before she could look down, I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips up against hers. After a second of quiet shock, Celestia kissed me back, exploring my mouth with her tongue, as I did the same. She flicked her tongue across my teeth, feeling my canines, before I pulled back and looked at her expectantly.

"hmmmmm, your still a good kisser, I'll give you that" she said seductively before kissing me again.

This time, she was the one who pulled away, "now, come over here and give me some more" she whispered in my ear.

"release me" I said with growing anger, "let me go".

"I'm sorry, but I forgot for a moment, I can't let you go" Celestia said.

Her lie registered with me, and as it did, my trust in her was shattered forever, along with my resolve to live, "you lying bitch" I said with a surprising amount of force.

"I'm done with you trying to make me your personal sex toy, you just erased all of the little trust that I had in you", I paused, talking a breath, "and while I refuse to do what should be an act of love and devotion and you want to use me for your cheap pleasure, if that is what you plan on doing for the rest of the foreseeable future then I choose to opt out of this".

Celestia looked at me with humor flashing in her eyes, "and how are you planning on doing that", she said.

"Just like this" I said as I sprinted to the balcony, I turned and yelled out, "sayonara bitch" right before I pitched myself over the edge of the railing.

I heard her scream as I plummeted toward the ground. The pain I felt from the spell made me pass out and the last thing I remember seeing after I twisted in the air was Celestia diving towards me desperately.

**End of Flashback**

After my attempted escape attempt, Celestia refused to let me anywhere near something that could potentially enable my own demise. I know that she could catch me If I tried to jump again, so that option is out of the metaphorical window. My only option is to wait and hope that Luna finds a counter spell. Speaking of the night princess, Luna has been one of my only comforts. I have started to sleep during the day and staying awake during the night, just so that when Celestia sleeps she doesn't try anything. But Luna has been trust worthy, unlike her sister. My now only friend has been keeping me company when she isn't needed to help sort out a filly's nightmares. When Luna heard of my attempted suicide attempt, she did what I can only assume is natural, she grabbed me and hid me from Celestia. Or she would have if the pain hadn't been so bad that I passed out after sitting in a closet for five minutes. From what I know I was found by one of the sun guards and brought to Celestia, how began to yell at Luna. When I came to I was on Celestia's back while she was in the midst of said yelling. She gave me a look of sadness when I pushed myself off of her back and ran to Luna's side. I just can't make myself care though, she has gone from kind and gentle to a manipulative mare that has no qualms about my imprisonment. That night, Celestia tried to guilt trip me.

**Flashback**

"Please Sol" she begged, "just lay next to me, for one night".

"Ha-ha, no. the last time you said something like that you were lying so you could get what you want" I said.

"Please, this time will be different" she pleaded.

I took a deep breath, "no" I said again.

"Your bond with me makes you crave my touch, I know this because it makes me need your touch as well" she said.

I hate it when she's right, I crave her touch like nothing I've ever craved before. But I will never give in to my temptations. I know that I'm better than that. All I did in response was roll over on the floor so that I wasn't facing the bed.

I laid like that for a minute until I heard the blankets of her bed rustle and I felt her wings wrap around me, it felt like my soul was being pulled towards her, I felt like I was resting for the first time since I had left her, I summoned all my will power and pulled myself away from her. I moved a few feet away and laid back down again. I heard her sniffle before I turned over and saw her shuffling over toward me. I just keep moving away until I hit the wall, Celestia got up and moved to me, "please forgive me", she pleaded, and "I just couldn't bear to watch you walk away again. I know that I was wrong to imply that you had no reason to be mad, or to hold a grudge for my past crimes. And I know how wrong it is to trap you here, but it hurts so bad to see your distrust and anger. I can see that I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please don't hate me, please love me again".

"I never hated you Celestia, and I still love you, I never stopped loving you. I would have stayed here forever if you had acted like you did when I first met you, had you been kind and loving, instead of being controlling and manipulative, I would have stayed forever" I replied.

The moment I had finished she pushed me against the wall and slammed her lips into mine, but I pulled back from the one thing that my body craved more than anything else, her touch. I kissed her forehead and lead her to the bed that she had been occupying without me for the past few nights. I laid down on the bed and pulled her into a desperate embrace.

**End of Flashback**

That night we sleep holding each other, and it was the best night of sleep I have had in a long time. That morning Celestia took the pain spell off of me and that ended in me and her kissing for most of the day. My lips were sore at the end of it. When we told Luna she discreetly gave me a train ticket to the farthest corner of Equestria possible. When I politely declined, she looked at me and smiled, stating that she was glad that I loved her sister again without it being forced on me. I just smiled and excused myself as to find Celestia. Speaking of Celly, she has been much kinder than when I was imprisoned, and I in return have been giving her what both of us crave, so lots hug and kisses. I spend every night holding her and every day in her company. And with this I am satisfied. For I love her, and she loves me. We soon learned that because of the mark on my chest, I have become as immortal as Celestia, and I will spend the rest of my eternal life with her.

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><p><strong>I apologize for my lack of updating on my other story, but shit has really hit the fan at my house and I have been rather distracted by all of it, but I will try and update <strong>**The Lost Guard ****sometime soon.**


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